Celebration at the Great Wolf Lodge

We headed over to the Great Wolf Lodge in early March in order to celebrate Masamo’s first year home with us. I dubbed this day our “Happy Hartman Holiday” (HHH). I know it is a very corny title but I’m not fond of the phrase “Gotcha Day” and so decided to rename it for our family. This day is to be about our family and since no one had any better ideas this ridiculous name stuck. We originally had our overnight scheduled for the end of February but due to some sickness we had to reschedule. This actually worked in our favor as we got a refund for switching to a different day that cost less!

At the Lodge we had a great time playing in the water. The environment is so family friendly! We usually had to split up because there was only one waterslide on which most of us (5) could ride together. The older kids wanted to spend their time on the water slides whereas the younger ones just wanted to play in the water.

After the first evening of swimming we went back to our room, got changed and headed out for a late dinner at Waffle House. We spent the rest of the evening at our hotel playing, eating sugary treats and watching TV. I love the fact that you can roam around their hotel in your pj's and it's OK because everyone else is similarly attired! On the way back to our room from getting a snack Jason gave the kids a ride on a luggage cart that someone had left in the hallway.

The next morning we rolled out of bed and got some breakfast at Sonic and then headed back for more water play. We had a limited amount of time for this round as Emily and I had dentist appointments in the mid afternoon (boo). I know we won’t celebrate each HHH in this extravagant of a manner but the first one is always special.

1 year

12 months

365 days

8,766 hours

525,960 minutes

31,536,000 seconds

No matter how you look at it, it’s been that long and counting since we first held Masamo in our arms. This past year has been full of all types of ups and downs but we thank the Lord that the ups have outnumbered and outshone the downs. I can honestly say that I view Masamo no differently than I do any of our other (bio) children, he is ours, through and through. We have set aside late February now to celebrate our family, all of it, even our Ethiopian family. We know so little about them but God used them in His own way to bring our precious son to us and we want to respect Masamo’s heritage. I’ve been ordering books, and music to familiarize us with Ethiopia and it’s way of life. I hope we can appreciate what a beautiful people they are and can honor them appropriately.

Below is a link to our first You Tube Video! It is a slide show of Masamo’s first year home. Please be advised that it is almost 12 minutes long but sooooo worth it!!!! Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ff7CQzZMgM

Adoption parenting is parenting, just with a twist. There are issues to keep in mind, backgrounds to be aware of and emotions that are uncontrollable and sometimes inconsolable. Nonetheless, it is parenting. Masamo has a broken past and his needs are bigger in certain ways (than our biological kids). Those needs must be met differently sometimes but his little heart desires love, true and unconditional love. I’m not saying that our flawed human love can solve all his problems, because it can’t. Only God can truly heal Masamo’s heart from the wounds that it sustained at such a young age. He feels things and will feel things that I never have, rejection by and grief and loss for birth parents, an identity crisis, torn allegiances between biological and adoptive families. We cannot replace Masamo’s birth family, nor do we intend to. Only God can sustain Masamo, only God is big and powerful enough to do that. I pray that Masamo will look to Him for all of his needs to be met, both now and in the future. I firmly believe that God will use Masamo for His glory, that this adoption was just a small piece of a larger puzzle. I don’t claim to know what that will look like, but I always have had faith that God called us to our adoption of Masamo for His purposes.

There are so many things that I could list about what we’ve learned about Masamo in the past year. He has taught us a lot about not only himself but about ourselves as parents, siblings, individuals, and as God’s children. Here is just a small glimpse of who Masamo is today compared to this time last year.

Sleeping – (LAST YEAR) Anyone who has adopted knows what a major issue sleep is. It is the time of day that we have uninterrupted time to think. Our worries and fears creep into our minds and for an adopted child this is the scariest time of day, it’s time to let go and not be in control. This time last year Masamo was sleeping in a pack-n-play in the room his shares with David. Most nights I would sit in the room with him in a rocking chair and wait with him until he fell asleep. He would be listening to soothing music or to ocean waves in the background. Overnight one of us would be sleeping in the bottom bunk of the bunk bed next to Masamo’s pack-n-play so that when he woke up (which he did often) we would be there to comfort him. I can remember a lot of tears on both parts. Lack of sleep causing mine and many issues I’m sure causing Masamo’s tears. Masamo would also nap 1-2 hours a day at this time last year. Waking was one of the worst parts with Masamo. Unless he was completely ready to wake up Masamo would scream and cry when awoken. It didn’t matter who was doing the waking or how gently you did it he was NOT happy to be awake.
(THIS YEAR) Currently our bedtime routine is pretty, well, routine. Jammies, snack, tooth brushing, prayer and goodnight kiss. Masamo now sleeps in the bottom bunk of the bunk bed in the boys’ room. After our routine we turn on a book on CD or soothing music depending on whose turn it is to choose the background noise. We allow the boys to read or look at books for an additional half hour or so and then turn their bedside lamp off and turn a nightlight on. Most nights Masamo has no problem falling asleep. We cut out his afternoon nap once we figured out that it was one of the major factors in his delayed nighttime sleeping. However long of a nap he took, it took that same amount of time for him to fall asleep at night! Masamo does still wake up during the night sometimes and Jason or I go to him but he is easily soothed and quickly falls back to sleep. Masamo’s cranky waking has not changed much either over the past year. He is a heavy sleeper and once he’s out it is almost impossible to wake him back up short of standing him up!
In addition to our other kids, I added a special “snuggle night” for Masamo. One night a week (Wednesdays) Masamo gets to read books, snuggle and fall asleep in our bed with me. Each child really enjoys this special time, and so do I! One thing we have not experienced with Masamo is night terrors. Many adopted children have them and even two of our biological children have had them. I’m thankful that we’ve been spared this scary experience with him but know that the possibility is still there.

Diet – (LAST YEAR) Masamo had a pretty limited diet this time last year. He was not very open to trying new things and ate very few fruits, vegetables, and meats. He drank milk very well, ate carbohydrates well and consumed every sweet that was set in front of him (except for ice cream, too cold). He also had a tendency to shove too much food in his mouth very quickly. In fact when we were in Ethiopia eating a traditional Ethiopian meal, Masamo ate so much so fast that he threw up and then when once doing that continued to eat some more! At home, Jason and I did not push anything upon Masamo but did put a small portion of everything served on his plate at every meal. Slowly Masamo started trying new things and seeing us eat these things helped too.
(THIS YEAR) Masamo has a great appetite and has slowed his eating down. He chews his food thoroughly and is pretty good about only putting “small bites” in his mouth instead of “big bites”. He eats quite a variety of fruits and vegetables but is still not too big on meat. He prefers beans and nuts as a protein if he can get that instead. Masamo has learned to tolerate ice cream but when offered that or some other type of sweet he always opts for the warmer selection. We did have to institute a “snack drawer” of healthy food for Masamo as he had a fixation on food for awhile. Once he learned how to use it and know that the food was always available and not going away his fixation took care of itself. He still occasionally asks for snacks at strange times but we just direct him to his snack drawer and he’s set!

Language - (LAST YEAR) As you can imagine Masamo spoke no English when he first came home. He would speak a small amount of Amharic (the chief language spoken in Ethiopia) but we are not convinced that this was his mother tongue. Masamo first learned animal names and sounds and by two weeks we counted at least 57 English words that he understood and used correctly! By less than two months he was using simple sentences (3-4 words long)! Masamo’s definitely had an African accent and I enjoyed every moment of listening to it. Masamo loved to sing songs and “Moon, Moon, Moon” by Laurie Berkner was one of his favorites. He even had started making jokes by a couple of months!
(THIS YEAR) I am sad to say that Masamo’s beautiful African accent faded away very quickly. But by Masamo’s eleven month visit to the international pediatrician we were told that his language skills equaled those of a four year old born here in the United States. He had acquired all that language skill in less than one year! Frankly this did not surprise me, Masamo seems to have a gift for language. Although I can see a few gaps in his understanding of English it is amazing to hear him talk. He knows most of his letters, and numbers, all of his colors and shapes and is even beginning to write. He continues to love to sing and picks up lyrics very quickly too. I can’t wait to see him develop in this area!

Interests – (LAST YEAR) In the beginning, Masamo had a big interest in horses, balls and anything with wheels. He loved just looking at cars pass by and at the horses across the street (he didn’t want to touch them though). Masamo wanted to be outside as much as possible, the temperature did not seem to be a factor in this either. He loved learning how to use things, switches, buttons, toys, anything that he could try and figure out. He was entertained by the simplest toys. One last list of his favorites include Mommy, music, dancing, swinging, making you laugh, following and copying David and looking at the moon whenever we’re out at night to see it.
(THIS YEAR) Some things have changed and some have stayed the same. The interests that have continued are vehicles with wheels, balls, being outside, Mommy, music, dancing, making you laugh and looking at the moon whenever it’s out (he just gets so excited about the moon and always has to point it out and tell me how beautiful it is). Some new interests are dinosaurs, giraffes, puzzles, CARS, riding his tricycle, writing, watching tv, playing Wii, reading books, snuggling, taking a bath, playing pretend with Ella, working in the garage with Jason and guns. I don’t particularly like that Masamo is fascinated with guns and have to figure out a healthy way to let him explore them. I have insisted though that he NEVER shoot at a person (even just pretending).

Bonding/Attaching – (LAST YEAR) We were starting fresh last year. No bond and very little attaching. This is a two way street and Jason and I had to form an attachment and bond to Masamo as well as he to us. For those who are not familiar with these terms bonding/attaching has to do with how much a child/person feels connected and trusts their caregiver/another. Birth children develop this naturally over time but adopted kids have this interrupted when they have multiple caregivers. Masamo was lucky in that he spent relatively little time in an orphanage and had already developed an attachment and had bonded to his birth family. These are good things because he already had the skills to do these things unlike children who spend a long time in an orphanage and who never really attach to anyone because they are not given the opportunity.
Masamo’s interaction with others was very minimal. He wouldn’t look at anyone if he didn’t know them and basically would not even acknowledge their presence. He did not tolerate separation from me at all and was a constant at my side. He insisted on being held for much of the first few months home and I accommodated him in that he was developing so many skills at once that I knew what a comfort being held was to him. Masamo was also very bossy when it came to what he wanted and how he wanted it, he was trying to control his environment.
(THIS YEAR) While attaching and bonding is a continual lifelong process we’ve made huge leaps and bounds in this area. Masamo is still a little bossy (what four year old isn’t?) but he is now able to separate from Jason and I with the assurance that we will return for him. I do take extra time to prepare him for what is going to happen so that he can have time to process it and mentally prepare. I find that this helps enormously, especially when I have to work and I’m not there for him when he wakes up. Masamo looks to us for comfort when he’s upset or hurt, he is able to play on his own for periods of time, he makes good eye contact (something I insist upon too), he initiates and enjoys our cuddle time, is able to identify his feelings (most of the time) and the list goes on.
Masamo interacts with others now, for the most part. His mood usually dictates whether or not he’s acting shy around others. If in a good mood he’s liable to wave at strangers and smile at them. He’ll hug those that he’s familiar with, i.e. extended family and Sunday school teachers, etc. It’s exciting to see him come out of his shell and interact with others on his own. The report I get back is what a sweet little boy he is, that makes this momma proud! Despite all of this I know that we still have work to do. We’ll keep up the effort but the graciousness of God to us in this area has just been phenomenal!

Thanks for taking the time to read this update. I know it was long, trust me it took hours to complete, but having this all down will be so worth it some day when we look back to see where Masamo came from and see how far he’s gone.

Here’s the next update for our family!

Since being stuck inside our kids have been playing a lot more Wii. One game that they all enjoy playing is Mariokart. David and Ella have become very skilled at it and are becoming experts. Masamo likes to join in the fun too by holding the steering wheel (without remote) and he thinks he’s participating in the game, I dread the day he figures out that he’s not really playing. Here’s a pic of them all playing together.

I caught a really cute moment between David and Masamo. I was trying to get some things done around the house (imagine that) and I told the boys to entertain themselves for a few minutes. I stumbled upon them curled up on the couch with David reading a book to Masamo. Look how adorable they looked together!

We had an awesome trip to see our friends in New York State, the Apthorpes! We went over the long President’s Day weekend and didn’t want to leave to come home. Here’s a brief overview of what our weekend held….

Sledding (and David attempting to ski)

The skis and boots David used were old and broke with the first attempt so we just broke out the duct tape and kept going!

Ice Castle Festival

Up at Lake Chautauqua they build an ice castle every winter with the ice that they saw out of the lake. The blocks of ice that they use come from just off shore (within 50 feet) and are about 2.5 feet long, 1 foot wide by 14-16 inches thick! They had the castle lit up with colorful lights at night and also had a huge bonfire, fireworks and a snow/ice slide for the kids to slide down on and then onto the frozen lake!

Here's a view of the ice castle in the day time.

Ice Fishing

Walking on the frozen lake

Ice hut!

Drilling a hole for fishing

Scooping out the ice from the newly drilled fising hole

About a foot of snow fell the last night we were in New York. We made it all the way down the Apthorpe’s driveway before getting stuck. It took Jason and Clint about 10 minutes to dig us out of the snow but once on the roads we were happy to see that they were clear! Those New Yorkers don’t mess around when it come to snow!

I think the best part of going to New York was the time just spent hanging out. Talking, playing, cooking, and eating together was more fun than you could throw a snowball at!

Today we spent the one year anniversary of Masamo’s arrival home in the USA by going to Kids Against Hunger. This wonderful organization was hosting a Million Meal Marathon to put together a million meals in four days to help feed the people of Haiti. 30,000 children a day die of hunger and this great group of people is working hard to get that number down. The food we packaged was a “fortified rice-soy casserole, chicken flavored”. It is an extremely nutritious meal that can be made very easily with only adding boiling water. Here is a link to their website it you’re interested in more information on them Kids Against Hunger.

All six of us participated from scooping food, to measuring, sealing bags, and boxing it up! We spent two hours working and had a wonderful time. Everyone there was upbeat and positive and the music they played to go along with our time was motivational (who wouldn’t enjoy working to the Village People’s YMCA?) We concluded our time by praying for each person that would touch the meals we prepared and especially for the people who would be consuming the meals. We pray that not only will their stomachs be filled but that their hearts would find and be filled with God’s love.

Despite the look on Masamo's face, he did have a great time, just couldn't capture it on film!

The number of meals we helped produced in our two hours!

Please note the Ethiopian flag in the center of the picture!

Kids Updates:

Emily has exams this next week for the conclusion of the second trimester. She’s a little stressed out but looking forward to a (hopefully) much easier third trimester. She also informed me that she heard that the high school will indeed be offering AP and Honors courses next year. If this works out it means we won’t need to have Emily move schools next year!!!!

Ella continues on in her art classes at the YMCA but it’s become very apparent that they are not very challenging to her. She says she has a good time (which is nice) but it’s not really giving her the outlet I thought it might. I’m keeping my eyes open for something a little more inspirational to offer her. She really enjoys drawing and so maybe we can find something that just focuses on that instead of an overall “art” class.

David has continues with karate and this past week got the first “tip” on his white belt. A student must have three “tips” to test for the next belt in karate. There are certain things that a student must do to get their tips and for this first one David had to memorize and recite the student creed for the studio that he attends. We’re coming down to the end of our “free trial month” and have to make a decision if we want to sign David up for the year. The owners of this studio say they do not view karate as a seasonal sport and so have you commit for a year at a time to pay/participate.

Masamo melted my heart the other week when I sang “You Are My Sunshine” to him and at the end when I sang “please don’t take my sunshine away”, he looked at me and said “I won’t Mommy” and proceeded to give me a big hug. This has now become his favorite song and each time I sing it he tells me the same thing. I love it!

Masamo is really advancing with his letters and here is his attempt at writing his name this past week!

I will conclude this post by mentioning that February 21st was our one year anniversary of Masamo’s “Gotcha Day”. I’m not really a big fan of this term, it is however the day that Masamo was placed in our arms for the first time. Has it really been a year? Has it only been a year? Isn’t it strange how time works like that, it went so quickly and at the same time seems to have been so long ago. What a year it has been. My next post will be dedicated to our youngest son; I’ll have it up as soon as I can.

Reminders of Africa, even in the snow in New York.

It’s February, are you feeling the love? My blog updates have been few and far between but it’s not an indication of my lack of love for anyone but rather it reflects how busy life has been around here.

We’ve had off and on snow around here and one snow day the kids were looking for something to do and I was looking to have my front walk and part of the driveway shoveled. The two opportunities met nicely and depending on how much work they did, the three youngest, made some money for their shoveling effort. Here are some pics of them hard at work.

We had the very big yearly event at our church of the Pinewood Derby! Both Ella and David again participated this year. Here’s the rundown….

David won fifth place in craftsmanship (out of 26). He designed his can himself and picked the colors but Jason helped him with the paint job and shaping of his car. Here is the progression of David's car...

Ella actually won a speed trophy (a first for our family)! She came in third for speed and that wasn’t even what she was going for! Ella was eyeing a craftsmanship trophy by making a colorful hammer head shark and would have won first place in that category if she had not placed in speed. Jason helped to shape the car but the rest was all Ella (design, painting, etc). Here is the progression of Ella's car...

One of my favorite events from these past two weeks was watching Ella and David perform with their second hour Sunday school class (Wonders of Worship). The teachers of this class put in tremendous effort and time into instructing our children in the different ways there are to worship God but a lot of the emphasis has been on music and singing. David mentioned to me shortly after he started the class in the fall time how much he really enjoyed singing in the class. He and Ella could be heard around the house singing some of the songs. For these reasons I was excited to hear them sing during our church’s Sunday morning worship service.
To my dismay David was practically in tears before the performance telling me he was “so nervous” about getting up in front of everyone and singing. The kids did practice before church but David would just sit down and not sing. Jason and I both talked to him to encourage him that he was not the only child up there singing, that if he went up on stage and did his job like everyone else that no one would be paying him special attention. We let him know that he didn’t know what he could do if he didn’t even try! One of our last attempts to give him some confidence was to tell him to just say the word “underwear” to himself, that one always gets a giggle from him.
Once it came time for the first performance , I stood at the back of the church to give David someone to focus upon during the performance. Our church has two morning services so the kids had two seperate performances. Here are some pics of the kids so you can recognize them in the three videos that follow.

Here are Ella David at beginning of their first performance. You'll notice David's lack of enthusiasm.

Here are Ella and David at the beginning of their second performance. You'll notice the difference in David's enthusiasm!

Lastly, here are Ella and David at the end of the first song during the second performance. David is so excited about the whole thing he bows to the audience!

Ella performed with flying colors too. She is a seasoned veteran when it comes to singing with the kid’s choir and so this was not a big deal to her. She used to be the one getting everyone’s attention with her little antics up on stage but with time has come maturity and she sang wonderfully.

I must preface the next paragraph with the fact that I am not looking a gift horse in the mouth but for Jason’s business, thankfully, the economy has not seemed to touch it. In fact things have been a little crazy for quite some time now. This fact has led Jason to the point where he is desperately in need of a right hand man at work. Jason saw this coming down the pike quite awhile ago but it was not until recently that he had the owner’s approval to start looking for just such a guy. We don’t know where God is leading with this all. It’s been a roller coaster ride, so please pray for some help for Jason, and soon!

David and I shared the strep throat bug last week. David got it first and because he’s such a loving child, he shared his sickness with me. I had planned on getting a blog update done last week but those plans were put on the back burner until such a time as I recovered enough to even think about sitting at the computer for a few hours. Oddly enough my throat did not bother me that much with the strep rather I got quite a tremendous headache at the base of my skull. As long as I kept myself dosed with Advil I felt relatively normal but I could definitely tell when the Advil would start to wear off.


Kids Updates:

Emily had her formal Winter Homecoming a few weeks ago. The theme was Titanic but that did not seem to influence the attire this time around. Emily got ready with and went to the dance with some good friends and thankfully was not out too late. She came home after the dance at around 12 midnight and reported that she had had a good time but the dance was nothing that special. Here she is before the dance, photos taken by her IPod Touch.

Ella is starting a new Art class at the local YMCA this week. Because our school district is not offering any art at this time for the elementary students I really wanted to find an outlet for Ella’s artistic side. I figured we’d start with this five week course that covers a variety of media and see what she thinks of it. If there is something that interests her more maybe we can pursue that next. However I’m just excited to get Ella’s creative juices flowing again!

It’s been brought to our attention that David is having a hard time dealing with criticism, both positive and negative. It was no mystery to Jason and I that David is a sore loser, he hates it when he does not win at whatever game he is playing but unfortunately that has now spilled over into his academics at school. Whenever his teacher tries to help him David almost “deflates” and does not want to try whatever he is doing again. We’ve got a way to go to get him to understand between positive and negative criticism. We also have to work on him being a better looser. Someone told me to make sure he knows that he cannot be a good winner until he learns to be a good looser first. I think it will just be time and patience and practicing loosing with David to show him how it is done gracefully and how to take correction in a positive manner, to learn from his mistakes instead of seeing them as an attack on his self worth.

This leads me into my next news with David. David started Karate lessons today. We are trying out karate for a month for free and hopefully after that time we will have a good idea as to whether or not to continue to pursue this activity. My hope is that it will help to improve David’s view of himself. He did pretty well for the first class but did fidget quite a bit and had to be corrected by the teacher to stay still and be quiet. By the end of class he was getting the hang of the way things worked. We’ll see how this pans out, we’ll keep you updated.

One last story about David. Earlier in January the kids were anticipating having a snow day the next school day. The kids had heard at school that if they put spoons under their pillows that night that it would ensure a snow day the next day. David and Ella each took two spoons and put them under their pillows and sure enough the next day was indeed a snow day for them from school. I woke David up that next morning and told him that his spoons had worked, they had a snow day! David, still groggy from sleep said to me “No Mom, the spoons didn’t work, God did.” I was so proud of him! He realized who is really in control!

Masamo's developments have been smaller in the past few weeks but I’ll share some things that have been happening relating to him. One thing that Jason and I implemented in December is something called a “snack drawer”. This is just for Masamo and is a place where he can go at any time and get a snack for himself. He had been very food focused for awhile and was continually asking when he could eat, when the next mealtime was, if he could have a snack, even if we had just eaten. Apparently this type of behavior is not uncommon in children who have experienced any type of starvation. His food obsession seemed to come out of the blue for us but we were reassured that it could pop up at any time and did not have to do with any mistakes/poor parenting on our part.
By making sure that Masamo’s snack drawer is stocked with healthy snacks (dried fruit, nuts, granola bars, etc) I don’t have to worry about what he’s eating. I do limit the drawer to four snacks per day so that he can’t gorge himself. We’ve only had a few days that he’s actually eaten all his food from the drawer and his constant asking for food has really diminished since we started this for him.

Another development for Masamo is that he seems to be attaching to a specific stuffed animal. His animal of choice is a stuffed giraffe that was from Build-a-Bear that one of the kids gave to him. Masamo named his giraffe “Rosie”. Although he is not always carrying her around, Rosie is never far away. He loves on her a lot and for the first time today took Rosie potty to show her how it was done. I am encouraged to see this behavior. It’s a step in the right direction in his attaching and bonding with us as a family. Here is a picture of him with his beloved giraffe…

I’ll leave you with one last picture. Each day that Ella and David are doing their homework at the kitchen table (while I make dinner); Masamo does his “homework”. He gets out the whiteboard and draws. Most days it’s just scribble but lately he’s really started to draw recognizable things! This picture is of a snail that Masamo drew today. He also wrote out a letter “E”, “M”, “N”, and “O”. We’ve been working on letter recognition and sound lately and he seems to be picking up quickly!