1 year
12 months
365 days
8,766 hours
525,960 minutes
31,536,000 seconds
12 months
365 days
8,766 hours
525,960 minutes
31,536,000 seconds
No matter how you look at it, it’s been that long and counting since we first held Masamo in our arms. This past year has been full of all types of ups and downs but we thank the Lord that the ups have outnumbered and outshone the downs. I can honestly say that I view Masamo no differently than I do any of our other (bio) children, he is ours, through and through. We have set aside late February now to celebrate our family, all of it, even our Ethiopian family. We know so little about them but God used them in His own way to bring our precious son to us and we want to respect Masamo’s heritage. I’ve been ordering books, and music to familiarize us with Ethiopia and it’s way of life. I hope we can appreciate what a beautiful people they are and can honor them appropriately.
Below is a link to our first You Tube Video! It is a slide show of Masamo’s first year home. Please be advised that it is almost 12 minutes long but sooooo worth it!!!! Enjoy!
Adoption parenting is parenting, just with a twist. There are issues to keep in mind, backgrounds to be aware of and emotions that are uncontrollable and sometimes inconsolable. Nonetheless, it is parenting. Masamo has a broken past and his needs are bigger in certain ways (than our biological kids). Those needs must be met differently sometimes but his little heart desires love, true and unconditional love. I’m not saying that our flawed human love can solve all his problems, because it can’t. Only God can truly heal Masamo’s heart from the wounds that it sustained at such a young age. He feels things and will feel things that I never have, rejection by and grief and loss for birth parents, an identity crisis, torn allegiances between biological and adoptive families. We cannot replace Masamo’s birth family, nor do we intend to. Only God can sustain Masamo, only God is big and powerful enough to do that. I pray that Masamo will look to Him for all of his needs to be met, both now and in the future. I firmly believe that God will use Masamo for His glory, that this adoption was just a small piece of a larger puzzle. I don’t claim to know what that will look like, but I always have had faith that God called us to our adoption of Masamo for His purposes.
There are so many things that I could list about what we’ve learned about Masamo in the past year. He has taught us a lot about not only himself but about ourselves as parents, siblings, individuals, and as God’s children. Here is just a small glimpse of who Masamo is today compared to this time last year.
Sleeping – (LAST YEAR) Anyone who has adopted knows what a major issue sleep is. It is the time of day that we have uninterrupted time to think. Our worries and fears creep into our minds and for an adopted child this is the scariest time of day, it’s time to let go and not be in control. This time last year Masamo was sleeping in a pack-n-play in the room his shares with David. Most nights I would sit in the room with him in a rocking chair and wait with him until he fell asleep. He would be listening to soothing music or to ocean waves in the background. Overnight one of us would be sleeping in the bottom bunk of the bunk bed next to Masamo’s pack-n-play so that when he woke up (which he did often) we would be there to comfort him. I can remember a lot of tears on both parts. Lack of sleep causing mine and many issues I’m sure causing Masamo’s tears. Masamo would also nap 1-2 hours a day at this time last year. Waking was one of the worst parts with Masamo. Unless he was completely ready to wake up Masamo would scream and cry when awoken. It didn’t matter who was doing the waking or how gently you did it he was NOT happy to be awake.
(THIS YEAR) Currently our bedtime routine is pretty, well, routine. Jammies, snack, tooth brushing, prayer and goodnight kiss. Masamo now sleeps in the bottom bunk of the bunk bed in the boys’ room. After our routine we turn on a book on CD or soothing music depending on whose turn it is to choose the background noise. We allow the boys to read or look at books for an additional half hour or so and then turn their bedside lamp off and turn a nightlight on. Most nights Masamo has no problem falling asleep. We cut out his afternoon nap once we figured out that it was one of the major factors in his delayed nighttime sleeping. However long of a nap he took, it took that same amount of time for him to fall asleep at night! Masamo does still wake up during the night sometimes and Jason or I go to him but he is easily soothed and quickly falls back to sleep. Masamo’s cranky waking has not changed much either over the past year. He is a heavy sleeper and once he’s out it is almost impossible to wake him back up short of standing him up!
In addition to our other kids, I added a special “snuggle night” for Masamo. One night a week (Wednesdays) Masamo gets to read books, snuggle and fall asleep in our bed with me. Each child really enjoys this special time, and so do I! One thing we have not experienced with Masamo is night terrors. Many adopted children have them and even two of our biological children have had them. I’m thankful that we’ve been spared this scary experience with him but know that the possibility is still there.
Diet – (LAST YEAR) Masamo had a pretty limited diet this time last year. He was not very open to trying new things and ate very few fruits, vegetables, and meats. He drank milk very well, ate carbohydrates well and consumed every sweet that was set in front of him (except for ice cream, too cold). He also had a tendency to shove too much food in his mouth very quickly. In fact when we were in Ethiopia eating a traditional Ethiopian meal, Masamo ate so much so fast that he threw up and then when once doing that continued to eat some more! At home, Jason and I did not push anything upon Masamo but did put a small portion of everything served on his plate at every meal. Slowly Masamo started trying new things and seeing us eat these things helped too.
(THIS YEAR) Masamo has a great appetite and has slowed his eating down. He chews his food thoroughly and is pretty good about only putting “small bites” in his mouth instead of “big bites”. He eats quite a variety of fruits and vegetables but is still not too big on meat. He prefers beans and nuts as a protein if he can get that instead. Masamo has learned to tolerate ice cream but when offered that or some other type of sweet he always opts for the warmer selection. We did have to institute a “snack drawer” of healthy food for Masamo as he had a fixation on food for awhile. Once he learned how to use it and know that the food was always available and not going away his fixation took care of itself. He still occasionally asks for snacks at strange times but we just direct him to his snack drawer and he’s set!
Language - (LAST YEAR) As you can imagine Masamo spoke no English when he first came home. He would speak a small amount of Amharic (the chief language spoken in Ethiopia) but we are not convinced that this was his mother tongue. Masamo first learned animal names and sounds and by two weeks we counted at least 57 English words that he understood and used correctly! By less than two months he was using simple sentences (3-4 words long)! Masamo’s definitely had an African accent and I enjoyed every moment of listening to it. Masamo loved to sing songs and “Moon, Moon, Moon” by Laurie Berkner was one of his favorites. He even had started making jokes by a couple of months!
(THIS YEAR) I am sad to say that Masamo’s beautiful African accent faded away very quickly. But by Masamo’s eleven month visit to the international pediatrician we were told that his language skills equaled those of a four year old born here in the United States. He had acquired all that language skill in less than one year! Frankly this did not surprise me, Masamo seems to have a gift for language. Although I can see a few gaps in his understanding of English it is amazing to hear him talk. He knows most of his letters, and numbers, all of his colors and shapes and is even beginning to write. He continues to love to sing and picks up lyrics very quickly too. I can’t wait to see him develop in this area!
Interests – (LAST YEAR) In the beginning, Masamo had a big interest in horses, balls and anything with wheels. He loved just looking at cars pass by and at the horses across the street (he didn’t want to touch them though). Masamo wanted to be outside as much as possible, the temperature did not seem to be a factor in this either. He loved learning how to use things, switches, buttons, toys, anything that he could try and figure out. He was entertained by the simplest toys. One last list of his favorites include Mommy, music, dancing, swinging, making you laugh, following and copying David and looking at the moon whenever we’re out at night to see it.
(THIS YEAR) Some things have changed and some have stayed the same. The interests that have continued are vehicles with wheels, balls, being outside, Mommy, music, dancing, making you laugh and looking at the moon whenever it’s out (he just gets so excited about the moon and always has to point it out and tell me how beautiful it is). Some new interests are dinosaurs, giraffes, puzzles, CARS, riding his tricycle, writing, watching tv, playing Wii, reading books, snuggling, taking a bath, playing pretend with Ella, working in the garage with Jason and guns. I don’t particularly like that Masamo is fascinated with guns and have to figure out a healthy way to let him explore them. I have insisted though that he NEVER shoot at a person (even just pretending).
Bonding/Attaching – (LAST YEAR) We were starting fresh last year. No bond and very little attaching. This is a two way street and Jason and I had to form an attachment and bond to Masamo as well as he to us. For those who are not familiar with these terms bonding/attaching has to do with how much a child/person feels connected and trusts their caregiver/another. Birth children develop this naturally over time but adopted kids have this interrupted when they have multiple caregivers. Masamo was lucky in that he spent relatively little time in an orphanage and had already developed an attachment and had bonded to his birth family. These are good things because he already had the skills to do these things unlike children who spend a long time in an orphanage and who never really attach to anyone because they are not given the opportunity.
Masamo’s interaction with others was very minimal. He wouldn’t look at anyone if he didn’t know them and basically would not even acknowledge their presence. He did not tolerate separation from me at all and was a constant at my side. He insisted on being held for much of the first few months home and I accommodated him in that he was developing so many skills at once that I knew what a comfort being held was to him. Masamo was also very bossy when it came to what he wanted and how he wanted it, he was trying to control his environment.
(THIS YEAR) While attaching and bonding is a continual lifelong process we’ve made huge leaps and bounds in this area. Masamo is still a little bossy (what four year old isn’t?) but he is now able to separate from Jason and I with the assurance that we will return for him. I do take extra time to prepare him for what is going to happen so that he can have time to process it and mentally prepare. I find that this helps enormously, especially when I have to work and I’m not there for him when he wakes up. Masamo looks to us for comfort when he’s upset or hurt, he is able to play on his own for periods of time, he makes good eye contact (something I insist upon too), he initiates and enjoys our cuddle time, is able to identify his feelings (most of the time) and the list goes on.
Masamo interacts with others now, for the most part. His mood usually dictates whether or not he’s acting shy around others. If in a good mood he’s liable to wave at strangers and smile at them. He’ll hug those that he’s familiar with, i.e. extended family and Sunday school teachers, etc. It’s exciting to see him come out of his shell and interact with others on his own. The report I get back is what a sweet little boy he is, that makes this momma proud! Despite all of this I know that we still have work to do. We’ll keep up the effort but the graciousness of God to us in this area has just been phenomenal!
Thanks for taking the time to read this update. I know it was long, trust me it took hours to complete, but having this all down will be so worth it some day when we look back to see where Masamo came from and see how far he’s gone.
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